


Memories Have Teeth

by infinityimperfect_me



Series: Memories Have Teeth [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Fluff, Hamilton Allusions, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-06-07 10:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinityimperfect_me/pseuds/infinityimperfect_me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Memories demand attention because memories have teeth"</p><p>- Viola Davis</p><p>Pairings: Kylo Ren (Ben Organa-Solo) x Reader x Poe Dameron</p><p>_____</p><p>I do not own any part of Star Wars. Credit to all the creators, directors, and producers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue 1- The Day The Light Went Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter was inspired by "Burn" from Hamilton. I listen to music to inspire me to write, so each chapter will likely be inspired by a song. In my opinion it makes the story better and it may expand your playlist!

You woke up to rain water hitting your face. The rich scents of damp earth and sea water flooded your nostrils as you surveyed the surroundings. You were under your favorite willow tree on that low cliff that overlooked the ocean, you always came out there to meditate because it relaxed you. The funny thing was you didn't remember walking all the way out here.

_How did I get here?_

You try to stand but stumble as the ground seems to move beneath your feet.

 _"Am I drunk? What possessed me to get drunk by myself all the way put here?"_ You think to yourself. _"I need to get back Ben and Tlaar are probably worried sick."_

As you make your way back to the temple, the once delicate raindrops that had been speckling the earth began to get heavier and heavier until you were walking in an all out down pour. _Awesome. Wow._

With the temple in view you began jogging to your destination.

Just as you make it to the steps of the temple there was a low hum. Your ears perked up to the unfamiliar noise, then there was an explosion. In a flash you were airborne and the unfamiliar sense of weightlessness took you. You hit the ground hard in a series of rough tumbles.

You regained your composer vision blurry and ears ringing.

 _What the fuck was that?_ You look up to see smoke billowing out of the temple. _I'll be lucky if that didn't give me a concussion._ You say as you struggle to your feet, vision blurry and ears ringing.  _Oh no it definitely gave me a concussion._

"WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!" Someone yells. They aren't far away from you but their voices sound distant and hollow.

Others start flooding out of the temple, with their lightsabers drawn and it begins to dawn on you that something is very, very wrong. You stand scanning the crowd for Tlaar, your best friend and roommate, and Ben the love of your life.

"BEN! TLAAR! HAS ANYONE SEEN THEM?!? WHERE ARE THEY?! BEN!" You shout, but your voice is drowned out by the fighting and thunder.

You push past others, running into the burning temple to find them. Checking door after door, the panic began to build in your throat that you might never see either one alive again. You check Ben's room first but no one's in there. Your eyes begin to tear up from the smoke and your breathing becomes labored. It doesn't feel real, the panic takes your legs as you begin sprinting down the hall, only to crash into Tlaar.

"TLAAR?!"

"(Y/N)! Thank the stars you're alright!"

"Have you seen Ben? Do you have any idea what's going on?!" You ask frantically.

"No and no, but we don't have time for this!" She says as she takes your arm leading you out of the burning temple. "It seems like we have 8 attackers. Seven wield modified weapons axes, scythes, blasters, etc., but one wields a lightsaber!" Tlaar says panicked, her usually unwavering demeanor was all but gone and her pristine jet black hair was in shambles and slightly singed.

"I'm going out there to help fend them off, but we haven't heard word from the younglings. With the chaos I can't use the Force to sense if they're alright!"

"Tlaar you go out there, you are one of the best warriors we have, I'll go get the younglings, and bring them back here where we can protect them."

"Alright see you in a few" Tlaar says as the two of you part ways.

As you run towards the youngling barracks your body began shivering uncontrollably. Whether it was because of the cold rain or the shock you didn't know, nor did you care. There were so many uncertainties, so many thoughts rushing through your mind, why was this happening **what** was happening?

 _The younglings._ The thought rushes to you that they still might be alive. If none of your fellow comrades were to survive maybe, just maybe the younglings may be spared.

You reach the younglings dwellings, your chest was on fire and you struggled to catch your breath and clear your mind. It looked untouched, almost serene as if the children were all sound asleep peacefully on the other side of the wall. But you weren't fooled; all you sensed was death behind the door. Upon opening the door, your greatest fears were realized. It was a massacre. In front of you were the bodies of the younglings slashed by a lightsaber.

No.

You searched through the bodies desperate to find one, just one that wasn't dead, one you could rescue. Just a few hours ago you had taught their sparing class. Ginitus was a gentle Twi'lek soul, he didn't deserve a death so horrendous. Lilica had the potential to be one of the fiercest Jedi to have lived, but she would never have the chance. But there was one youngling she couldn't bare to see dead. Reyna. She was a natural with a saber-staff, and you had promised to make her your Padawan when you became a Jedi Master. It was a promise that you so badly wanted to keep.

"Miss (Y/N)?" you heard a muffled voice whisper.

"Reyna?" She whirled around trying to find the source of the voice.

She heard the twisting of a lock, as a small body emerged from behind a door.

"REYNA!" You exlcaim, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Miss (Y/N)! I was so scared I went to the bathroom, but then I heard screams and the sound of a lightsaber. I wanted to help but I knew it would be unwise to—"

You envelop her in your arms. "It's okay it's okay I'm gonna get you out of here okay. Trust me. We're going to find the others and Master Luke. Just close your eyes and don't open them until I say so. Do you understand?"

The young girl nods her head in agreement.

"Alright climb on my back." You carry her as you step over the bodies of the fallen younglings. Your mind was racing with emotions, you weren't scared, you were worried and confused. There's absolutely nothing worse than everything going wrong and not knowing why.

The two of you make it back to the Jedi temple expecting to see your comrades waiting for them, but all that awaited was a sight worse than before.

The flames of the temple were mostly doused by the rain but the bodies of your fallen friends littered the area.

You scan the bodies and spot Tlaar.

"Tlaar..." you kneel by her side in disbelief.

"(Y/N)." She responds quietly, revealing the blaster wound to her abdomen.

"One of the idiots got a lucky shot." She chuckles coughing up blood. "(Y/N) you've been a great friend to me."

"Tlaar don't talk like that, you're talking as if you're going to die and I can't have that." You croak choking back the lump in your throat.

"I'm so sorry to tell you this but you need to know. The lightsaber wielding attacker... It's Ben. I'm so sorry but Ben did this, and you need to stop him before anyone else gets hurt."

A chill ran down your spine and the world seemed to lose color.

"Take this gift as my final act of kindness."

She reaches out as if to give you something, but deeply scratches your wrist instead.

"OWW Tlaar what the —"

Tlaar's body starts convulsing and shifting, changing into something you recognize all too well...yourself.

She was a... Shifter? You stare down at your/Tlaar's lifeless body completely dumbfounded, refusing to believe that your closest friend was no longer with you anymore. You struggle to blink back tears, recognizing Reyna's presence.

 

The tears that were welling up in your eyes began to flow freely. You couldn't stop them, tried but it only got worse, more intense. You would've stayed by her side longer if Master Luke's voice hadn't spoke in your mind: "(Y/N) get on the first ship you see in the transport bay; quickly there isn't much time."

"I told you to keep your eyes closed." You snap at Reyna curtly, but soften when you see her face. "We have to find Master Luke come with me." You tug at her arm as she stares down at Tlaar's body paralyzed in confusion.

**************************************************************

"Master Luke it was Ben! I can't believe he would do this but it was him," you choke out between sobs. The tears you had been blinking back began to flow freely, as if a dam that had stood for hundred of years finally caved releasing a never ending flow of tears.

"I know (Y/N), I know," he comforted you, pulling you into a much needed embrace, "Ben has always been troubled. When he met you I had all but forgotten until—It was my fault for blinding myself to the signs. I should've known... it's all my fault."

_I gave Ben my heart, my soul, I would've followed him to the end of the galaxy, and this is how he repaid me? If I had payed closer attention, I could've talked him out of it. Tlaar would still be alive, my younglings would still be here...._

A quiet voice interrupted your thoughts.

"He wasn't alone though, there were others. I could hear their voices outside the cabin, seven I think" Reyna spoke staring down into her lap, her tear stained face caked with soot. The buns you had styled her hair in that morning had all but fallen out. You couldn't imagine what she was going through having witnessed the deaths of all her friends first hand.

"Reyna go get washed up there's a bathroom down the hall." You stand her up and gesture towards the hall.

"Master Luke what do we do now? Everything is gone, we have no where to go." You say in a whisper careful to not let Reyna overhear you.

"We will do what my Master Obi-Wan did."

"And that was..." You say prodding him on.

"We're going to the outer rim, there Reyna will be looked after by a friend of mine."

"A friend of yours? Master, why don't I look after her, she's only a youngling she can't be on her own. Besides, I could be like her Master Kenobi! Right R2!" You pleaded with him, and R2 beeps agreeing with you. "See R2 thinks it's a good idea"

"No. I'm putting you on a different planet, far away from her. Your force energies combined would be a beacon if he were to come looking for you! No your place _Padawan_ and stay out of this R2!" Luke snaps at you.

You grit your teeth at his use of Padawan, he knew full and well that you had worked hard to earn the title of Knight, but at the end of the day you were once his Padawan always his Padawan.

"Then what about me, huh? Are you going to drop me off at a castle, gift wrap me, and present me to a barren Queen so that she can raise me as her child? Or does that only happen in the history books Master?"

"Mind your temper Padawan-"

"Call me Padawan one more time.... Master Luke, I have earned the title of Knight, and I have been through too much today to put up with the conceding nature of your tone, so if you could please reason with me like a Knight instead of talking down to me like a youngling it would be greatly appreciated."

"You have to floor."

"Thank you. Block the memories of today in Reyna's mind. She's so young and has witnessed so much, the events of today will haunt her and if she must be on her own it's the least you could do."

"Very well." He complies and you breathe a halfhearted sigh of relief.

"But I will have to block all the memories of her time at the Jedi temple. That means she won't remember me or you or any of the events that happened tonight. This will keep her safe."

You didn't like it, but you compromised. "And as for me... take every memory of the Jedi Temple, from the day I arrived to the massacre."

"Are you sure?" He questioned you, "I know you and Ben were quite close, but blocking your memories **again** could have unforeseen-"

"Take everything. Take all 18 years of my time at the Jedi Temple, if you truly want Reyna safe I can't remember any of it. Just let me start over from scratch."

"I know that once you have your heart set on something it's impossible to change your mind, but this is a big commitment. This is not a temporary fix, you may never recover these memories again. So I'll ask you again... are you sure?

"Yes, I am sure." You stated as a single tear rolled down your cheek. Your heart ached in your chest at the thought of throwing away the memories of the greatest love-No the only love of your life. You couldn't fathom loving anyone as much as you ever loved Ben, and what of you didn't? What if no possible love compared to your love of Ben? But you pushed those thoughts aside and settled on, you. Your self love outweighed his ten-fold, and you had to do what was right for you, and that was forget him.

It wasn't until Luke started the procedure that his first statement registered. "Wait, did you say  ** _again_**?"

That was the last thing you remembered before darkness.


	2. Prologue 2- Missing Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Song inspiration- "My Shot" from Hamilton. This chapter is only loosely based on this song, but it's still a great song.

You woke up to the warmth of the sun on your face. Your eyelids fluttered open expecting to see a clear blue sky, but instead you saw a white ceiling.

"Vital signs are spiking Miss" a mechanical voice squeaks and you jump caught off-guard.

"She's awake" a doctor says "Someone alert General Organa"

"I'm sorry but where am I" You ask dazed, your voice groggy with sleep as you try to sit up.

"General Organa will be here shortly to explain everything to you just relax." The doctor says as the droid scans your body.

"Who's General Organa?" you think to yourself.

"I'm Dr. Kalonia. Can you tell me your name?"

"(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)" you respond slightly confused.

"Do you remember what happened to you? Or how you got here?"

You try to recall, but all you could just barely remember was saying, _"Again?_ _"_. You strain to remember the context of your statement, any detail of the last 24 hours, then the last few months, then the last few years, but still nothing. It was all just blank. All you could comfortably remember were scenes from early childhood.

Your parents, what their faces looked like. The way they smelled. The taste of your dad's cooking, the sickness that came over the village when you were five, but nothing after that.

"Okay (Y/N) I can tell you that you've been asleep for nearly two weeks, and it looks like you've been through the woodwork. You were quite banged up when we first brought you in. General Organa can fill in the gaps when she arrives. Would you mind running a few cognitive tests for me?"

You nodded your head in approval.

The test weren't anything too difficult just problem solving and critical thinking questions.

"You definitely test out of 5 year old mental capacity–"

"Well of course I did I'm 23." You laugh

"You also test above average for someone in the 19-25 age group. Which is excellent."

Dr. Kalonia continued to talk about your test results but your mind wandered elsewhere.

 _How did I end up here?_   _How can I know my age, but not know what happened to me yesterday let alone 18 years worth of memories and experiences? How can memories just vanish?_

"Hello?" A voice broke your focus and you turn to see a stoic older woman standing in the doorway. She had graying brown hair, tired eyes and a knowing smile.

"I'm General Organa the leader of the Resistance, and you are?"  
"(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)"  
"How are you feeling (Y/N)? You've been asleep for quite sometime."  
"I'm fine aside from the fact that I can't remember 18 years of my life, and I have deep fingernail marks down my forearm." You pause thinking about how bizarre your situation sounds out loud "— on further speculation I am not at all fine and I'm actually quite distressed."

General Organa laughs.

"I don't mean to laugh, I apologize. I admire how you find the humor in your situation."

"Ha well I guess that's just me using humor as a coping mechanism."

You make eye contact with the older woman. Her eyes are sad and she has a slight smile on her face as if she has gone through a great ordeal. You sigh and take a deep breath.

"General Organa. Do you know what happened to me?" You ask directly scanning her face for an inkling of an idea.

She purses her lips and looks you in the eye. "The details are unclear, but you were found on one of our rescue missions to Sector 5. By the looks of you, you put up a good fight. You were covered in soot and blood that was not your own. The only wounds you have to show for it are the scratch marks on your forearm."

You maintained eye contact. Somehow you knew that General Organa might not have been completely honest with you, but there was something in her eyes that made you trust her. The woman was tired, whatever happened to her was weighing on her heavily. She had the air of royalty and strength, but she must have been strong for much too long. You didn't have the heart to argue with her for fear of shattering what remained of her facade. 

  
"Where am I?"  
"You're in the infirmary in the Resistance Base on D-Qar"  
"What is the Resistance?"

"What is the Resistance?" General Organa reiterated in shock.  
You almost wished you hadn't asked. General Organa's eyes lit up and she spoke eloquently about the Resistance's ideals and mission for almost an hour.

"We have a new round of recruits joining in a few days I would like to offer you a personal invitation to join. I'll give you some time to think about it. I don't expect you to—"  
"I accept," you respond immediately.  
"I'm sorry," the general responds caught off-guard.  
You stare down at your lap.  
"It's just that I have no where to go, my family was wiped out by a plague years ago and I know I can help, not really sure how but I feel in my bones that I can! And I really want to if you would allow me to"

The woman you had known for only a few hours smiled back at you as if she'd known you for years.

"You move into the barracks in 2 days"

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Two days later you watched as the newest line of recruits got off the transport shuttles. You felt the butterflies turn in your stomach, after hiding out in the new recruit barracks for the past two day you were both excited to meet new people and anxious about the journey ahead. You nervously bit your bottom lip knowing that it would be the first day of training and you had little to no idea what was in store.

"Recruits fall in line" An officer called out.  
You scrambled to fall in line with the others.

Silence fell as General Organa approached the group. "Hello newest recruits." General Organa says as she walks up, giving you a quick smile as she passed by,"Today will mark the first day of training. You know your mission. Training will take place over the span of 6 months. You will spend this time training in all Resistance Departments: Mechanics, skills & tactics, ground force combat, target practice, first aid, and aviation. At the end of training you will have the opportunity to choose which field you would like to join—"

Cheers interrupt her statement and the new recruits begin to murmur among themselves

"HOWever" The General declares loudly regaining the full attention of the recruits.

"However, the choice is ultimately not yours to make. Whether or not you are a good fit to department is up to the department itself to determine. You will be split into groups of 3 to 4. Get to know each other pretty well because these people wink be your comrades. Commander Washlin will sort you accordingly. Commander they're all yours." And on that note General Organa exits and Commander Washlin takes over.

"Alright We'll start with Group A: Kaydel Ko Connix, Korr Sella, Jessika Pava, and (Y/N) (Y/L/N). You will start mechanics training in an hour."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey hi hello there! It's your friendly neighborhood author here! There will be a time jump between this chapter and the next. I've decided not to include chapters covering basic training because, it will drag out the story too much, however the next chapter will allude to it. Oh! And a very special character is introduced. (Wink wink nudge nudge)


	3. Helpless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The part where (Y/N) and Poe first meet was heavily inspired by "Helpless" from Hamilton and "Ten Minutes Ago" from Cinderella 1997. I strongly recommend you listen to these songs if you've never heard them before reading this chapter.

On the first day of basic training you were assigned to a group with three other girls, and one year later the four of you had developed a remarkable bond....

 

"Guys basic training's over can you believe it?! It feels like we just met yesterday!" Jess states clearly excited for what lied ahead.

"I know right!" says Ko, "Korr and I will be working the command center with the living legend General Leia Organa!!!

"I can't wait, we'll be the new dynamic duo of the command center!" Korr muses, "Me, senator in training and Ko, doing all the technical stuff."

"Yea and Jess'll be flying off to who knows where on dangerous adventures. And you'll —" she gestures to you, "(Y/N) you never said where you'd been assigned to."

You smile at Ko and Korr's enthusiasm and concern while sighing to yourself. You had excelled in nearly every aspect of training, but you hadn't gotten your assignment yet, to be fair you had selected "No preference" so maybe that's why your assignment was delayed.

 

 **Mechanics:** You were skilled with your hands and fixing things that were broken whether it be blasters, droids, X- Wings, A- Wings, nothing stumped you. On your first day of training you had pilots begging you to be their personal mechanic, but you turned them all down after all it was only your first station, you didn't want to tie yourself down so early in the game.

 **Ground combat:** You took down down sparing partners twice your size with such ease that you were certain that you must have done a lot of hand to hand combat in the 18 years you couldn't remember.

 **Target practice:** Apparently you knew your way around a blaster. The instructors proclaimed that you had "savant tier natural skill";  you never missed a target, not even when you were blindfolded and had no possible way of knowing where your target was.

 **First aid:** By the time you got around to first aid training news of your triumph had gotten around. The head nurses were determined to see if you would live up to the hype so they didn't bother training you, they just set you loose in the infirmary and watched you closely astonished at your resilience.

 **Skills & tactics:** Skill and tactical training in the command center was a walk in the park. The commander of the division claimed you had the practical tactical brilliance that rivaled those of the individuals that blew up the first Death Star.

 **Aviation:** That's where it all went down hill... literally. You were banned from flying any form of spacecraft after you crashed one of the training X-Wings in a lake.

 

"I umm I haven't gotten my assignment yet," you stare down at your plate, silently pleading the attention veer away from you.

"Don't worry about it (Y/N)," Jess comforted, "I'm sure the departments are in an all out war over who gets to be lucky enough to have you."

 

"Guys!" Ko teases. "Look who just walked in."

You turn around and see the flight squadrons walk in headed by a man in an orange jumpsuit with warm brown eyes and a smile that made your heart skip a beat.

"Who's he?" You say astounded.

"Oh that's Poe Dameron, he's a big shot pilot on base and he's basically the poster boy of the Resistance." Jess brushed off nonchalantly. "He was supposed to teach us flight training but he was on a mission. Looks like he just got back."

"Is that so," you say trying to sound nonchalant while your heart threatened to beat out of your chest.

"Aaannnnddd he's my superior. I'll be working with him my first few weeks as a pilot trainee, and if I'm lucky I'll get into his squadron."

"Of course you will! Jess you are the most skilled aviation recruit in our class!" You encourage her.

"Jess you have to introduce us to him!" Ko chides in.

"I mean if one of us can't have him maybe he has some cute friends..." Korr mumbled.

"Okay okay guys but don't be surprised if I keep him for myself" Jess joked.

 

The four of you burst out laughing, but stop when Ko's eyes widen, "Guys he's coming this way be cool be cool".

The idea of him coming your way set your nerves aflame and made you break out into a cold sweat in panic.

"You guys have fun I'm gonna grab some water."

"Wait (Y/N) you can't—!" By the time she was done you were out of ear shot.

 

*****Poe's POV*****

"Hi everyone! Jessika right?"

"Yea that's right! But you can call me Jess"

"Okay Jess, I'm Poe Dameron a senior member of the Black squadron and I'll be seeing you through your pilot training. We'll be starting bright and early tomorrow hope you're ready."

"Can't wait!"Jess says batting her eyelashes.

"Ehem" The other girls sitting at the table cough in unison.

"Oh and these are my friends Ko and Korr"

"Hi it's nice to meet you," the two say in unison.

"Wow you guys are really in sync. Did you two know each other before basic training?"

"Not at all." Ko

"We were assigned to the same team on the first day and bonded over our admiration of General Organa."

"Have you had a chance to meet with her yet?"

"We will tomorrow. We're both assigned to work in the command center so we'll be working with her in the morning."

"Oh and this is our other friend (Y/N)" she gestures behind me.

"(Y/N)?"

I had heard about (Y/N), from my friends around the base. She had come to be somewhat of a legend among the department heads because of her natural skill at nearly everything and a mishap with an X-Wing, but none of that prepared me to come face to face with her.  She was easily one of the most captivating women I'd ever encountered, it wasn't just that she was physically beautiful, there was something just something about her, there wasn't a word for it and for the first time in a long time I was at a loss for words. _Could this be love at first sight?_

 

"Hi, Poe Dameron right?" She reached out her hand and I took it shaking it.

"Oh that's my father's name just call me—actually no that's not my father's name I don't know why I said that, it's mine I mean yea Poe's my name not my dad's so you were right? Ha." I say rubbing the back of my neck.

_Stupid stupid stupid. Nice going buddy you totally ruined your shot._

"I'm (Y/N), but I guess you already knew that because Jess just introduced us right? I'm such a dork." She giggles nervously.

"Actually, you've made quite the name for yourself around the base."

"Really?"

"Yea rumor has it you're one hell of a—well everything."

"I hear you're one hell of a pilot."

"Oh I wouldn't say that," I laugh as I feel the heat rush to my cheeks.

"Come on Poe in no time you'll get the Best Pilot in the Resistance tattooed on your forehead" Jess interjects.

The table erupts with laughter. But all I could see was (Y/N), her laugh was contagious and when she smiled I fell apart. How is it that I've known this girl for all of five minutes and she's captivated me?

"Hey Dameron!" I hear my good friend Snap calling for me.

"I have to go, it's been a pleasure meeting you. See you around!" I say and shake (Y/N)'s hand smiling at her and jog back to my crew.

 

*****Your POV*****

"Umm what in the stars was that (Y/N)???" Ko queried while Jess and Korr nodded their heads vigorously in agreement.

"What do you mean?" You replied innocently.

"What do you mean what do I mean? I'm surprised none of us got burns from the sparks flying between you two!"

"I'm willing to bet Poe 'Poster Boy' Dameron has a thing for our (Y/N)," Korr chimes in nudging Ko.

"I'm sure he was just being polite," you interject.

"Uh-huh and I'm willing to wager that she has a thing for him too," Jess taunted.

"You guys are delusional," you laugh and roll your eyes.

"Mhhhhmmm" They mumble in unison. "I mean it! There's no way I'm falling for him like every other girl. I mean he is quite charming and he's not bad to look at and the crinkles by his eyes when he smiles are just adorable but—"

"Mmmmhhhmmmm" They mumble more enthusiastically.

"But that doesn't mean anything!" You declare, but the look on your face betrays you, and you bury your face in your arms to hide the smile on your face. You were gonna fall for that boy and there was nothing you could do say or do to stop it.


	4. Rapping, Rapping at my Chamber Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration:  
> "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat  
> "Right Hand Man" Hamilton

The next morning you were sleeping blissfully, when you were suddenly awoken by a knocking at your door.

_Whyyyyyyy. It's 6 o'clock in the morning the sun's not even awake._

You were by no means a morning person, so you crawl out of bed and trudge over to your door ready to tear the person who had so rudely awoken you limb from limb. _It was probably just Ko. She probably got herself locked out  again, damn that girl and her early rising._

"What?" You growl slightly—extremely annoyed as you open the door expecting to see your friend, but instead you're greeted by a hot guy in an orange jumpsuit.

_Poe Dameron is in my doorway. The cute pilot that possibly maybe flirted with me yesterday is in my freaking doorway!_

He seems unfazed by your cranky attitude, "Jeez do you greet all your visitors with such a sunshiny demeanor?" he responds laughing.

 

"I just wasn't expecting anyone to wake me up before the ass crack of dawn," you retort wittily, "I suppose you have a good reason for waking me from my slumber?"  

"You are not a morning person are you?" He asks rhetorically.

"Not even a little bit," you smirk. _How is it possible that he's so chipper in the morning? Is he even real?_

"Well allow me to make it up to you by brightening your day. General Organa has requested a meeting with you, and I'm supposed to be your escort."

"You mean like right now?" You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes like right now," he mimicked you.

"Oh! Okay, alright I'll be ready in just a moment."

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror as you shut the door and what you see horrifies you. Rough was an understatement; your hair was a mess and you had drool marks trailing down your cheek and pillow indents all over your face.

_Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this? Well whatever if he losses interest because of this than he's not worthy of me anyway._

You speed through your morning routine three times as fast as usual and mentally prepare yourself to flirt with the hot pilot outside the door.

"Hi again," you chirped as you opened the door. _For once in your life be cool._

"Wow 5 minutes ago you were ready to rip my head off, and now you sound like you're ready to skip through a field of daisies."

"Ha ha laugh it up, I'm sure you'd be just as grumpy if I woke you up from a deep sleep."

"No way I'm this pleasant anytime of day."

"I wouldn't be surprised." "Did the General happen to tell you what this meeting was about?"

"Yes," he smirks mischievously.

"Aaaannndddd.."

"Aaaannndddd it's a surprise," he affirmed flashing you a goofy smile.

"Oh I hate surprises, the suspense is killing me!"

He chuckled, "Don't worry it's a real honor."

"Such an honor, that I need an escort to a building I definitely know the location of?" you smirk, eyeing him up and down.

He sweats knowing he's been found out. "Ha ha well, it's tradition really."

"Is that so...," you purred scanning his face for a tell.

"It is so." He responds looking into your eyes, admiring how they sparkle when you're really determined.

"Poe Dameron. I think you're full of shit."

"What an accusation!" He says through a hearty laugh. The two of you stop just outside the command center bent over laughing.

"Ehem"

A cough gets you're attention and you immediately straighten up and regain your composure. "Oh General Organa you requested to see me?" 

"Ahh yes (Y/N), come with me. Poe what are you doing hear? Shouldn't you be with the Black Squadron running drills?"

"Yea I was going to do that, but you told me to escort (Y/N) to your office, remember?" He stressed flashing her a pleading look.

General Organa looked back at him and knitted her eyebrows together in confusion.

"It's tradition remember???"

"There's no such—"

"OK General I better be off, if you need anything let me know okay see you later (Y/N) bye!" He babbled and quickly ran off.

"What has gotten into that boy?" The General and you share an equal look of confusion then shrug it off. 

"Okay... back to our business." She leads you inside,.

"Have I done something wrong general?"

"On the contrary, I've called you here about your assignment or rather lack there of."

You hovered in the doorway unsure of what to do as she began sifting through file folders in her office, pulling one out with your name on it.

"Have a seat (Y/N)."

You sat down and gulped as she pulled out a file folder with your name on it.

"I've reviewed your training record and noticed you failed aviation."

You wanted the ground to just open  up and swallow you whole, you knew failing aviation would be a big deal, but you didn't think it would be this big of a deal. _I'm getting kicked out she's definitely kicking me out. But she said I wasn't in trouble? Maybe she wanted me to save face or-_

"But, you have preformed at an expert level in nearly every aspect of our training regime... I'm impressed."

 _Whew!_ "Why are you telling me this?"

"As you can imagine it's exhausting leading a rebellion and frankly, I'm more than a little overwhelmed. I need someone like you to lighten the load. In other words, I'm formally offering you a position as my assistant."

You stared at her absolutely shocked. "This is a real honor General, but am I really qualified for this position? I mean I'm still a new recruit, I don't really know anything about fighting a war-"

"You doubt yourself too much (Y/N). This position will not necessarily make you second in command, you'll have to earn that title, rather it will make you somewhat of a free-agent able to work in whatever field needs the most help any given day, except aviation you've been banned from flying any form of spacecraft." She turns around placing the file folder back in the cabinet. "Ultimately the choice is yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey hi hello again y'all! Heads up that the next chapter skips ahead a year. I'm trying to get to the events of TFA as fast as possible without making the reader and Poe's relationship feel rushed, but after all this is a love triangle ship and I've only introduced 2 of the 3.


	5. Teach Me How to Say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration: Poe's POV "Can't Stand it"- Never Shout Never & "The Girl"- City & Colour
> 
> Your POV- "When He Sees Me"- Kimiko Glenn "How Will I Know"- Sam Smith & "Helpless" from Hamilton

A year ago you said yes to being Organa’s assistant and had been busy ever since. Running from department to department day in and day out was tiring, but you lived for the days you were assigned to the aviation crew and today was one of those days. You had been assigned to run diagnostics on the Black Squadron’s machinery before they departed on their classified mission, which was perfect because you could hang out with Jess and see Poe, but bittersweet because you would have to watch them leave. Poe would always give you this look right before he said goodbye and you absolutely hated it. It was so final like he would never see you again.

Although you and he had grown close over the past year, you were still too shy to make a move and since he didn’t make a move either, the two of you remained friends. But that never dulled your feelings for him, there was just something about Poe that drew you to him; he felt familiar and safe, his smile made your toes curl and his laugh gave you butterflies, but you didn’t want to jeopardize what you had.

“(Y/N) you’re leering again,” Jess snickered from under her X- Wing.

“No I’m not!” You lie, your face growing warm.

“Soooooo,” she cooed, “what’s going on between you and Poe?”

“The same thing that’s been going on for a year, a whole lot of nothing,” you retort.

“Nothing my ass, you guys talk everyday!”

“We’re just good friends! Can’t women and men just be friends! Jeez!”

“Yea of course! Women and men that aren’t you and Poe! I can feel you staring longingly at him from under my ship. Why don’t you just ask him out already? You guys have been casually flirting for a year now and it’s getting old. Oh and can you hand me my oil rag?”

You sigh handing her the rag, “I can’t ask him out.”

“And why not?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because he’s the poster boy of the Resistance, he’s way out of my league! What if when he sees me, what if he doesn't like it? What if he runs the other way and I can't hide from it? What happens then? If when he knows me, he's only disappointed? What if I give myself away to only get it given back...? I couldn't live with that. So I'm just fine inside my shell-shaped mind, this way I get the best view. 

“(Y/N) don't you think, I don't know that maybe you’re overthinking this?”

"I'm not overthinking this! I'm simply being cautious. I can't risk reckless dating due to my miscalculating. You cannot be too careful when it comes to sharing your life! Besides, if he felt the same he would’ve said something by now.”

 

 

Jess looks over at you and sees the disappointed look on your face. “Oh for the love of stars! Do you want me to ask him for you?”

“NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

“Why not?”

“Because then he’d know I like him!”

“Isn’t that the point?”

“Yes, but no, but yes-- Ughhh let me start over…”

****************************************************************************************************

*****Poe’s POV*****

_She was always so beautiful when she was passionate about something_. He watched her debate with Jess about something while pretending to fix his X-Wing for the mission.

“Look alive Dameron!” Snap exclaimed tossing me the new part I asked for.

I fumble with it barely catching it.

“You checking (Y/N) out again huh?” Snap taunted.

His taunt catches the attention of the rest of the squad, L’ulo, Karé, and Oddy all stop gearing up for the impending mission to listen in.

“Noooo," I say unconvincingly.

“Sure and the sky is green and grass is blue,” Karé laughs high-fiving Snap.

“So what if I was?” I say defending myself.

“Then ask her out already so I can win the bet.” Snap responds nonchalantly, and Karé whacks his arm. "You weren't supposed to tell him about the bet stupid!"

“Bet? What bet?” I ask puzzled.

“Me and the rest of the squadron have a bet to see when you two are gonna get together,” Snap confesses.

“It’s not gonna happen.” I respond flatly.

“And why is that?” L’ulo interjected.

I sigh my heart heavy as it burned in my chest just thinking about it. “First of all, she’s out of my league, it only took her a year to climb ranks and now she's one of the most successful recruits the Resistance has ever seen. And second of all, we can only be together if she’s interested and since she’s only interested in me as a friend we’ll stay that way, and that’s not so bad as long as it keeps her in my life.”

“You’re killing me Dameron,” Oddy says as he refuels my X-Wing.

“Poe,” L’ulo says pulling me aside, “I watched the same thing happen between your parents, and trust me just save us all the time and ask her out.”

I search his face not buying his statement for a second, “How many credits did you put on the bet?”

“400, but that’s besides the point!” L’ulo responds quickly and they all erupt in loud laughter.

“Guys!” I say exasperated by this point. “Hey come on guys settle down and get back to work, we depart for our mission in 10.” I turn to leave, “And if I do ask her out it’s gonna be on my own terms. Not because of some bet.”

I turn back around to where I had last seen (Y/N) with Jess, but she’s gone. She must have gone back to the command center to submit her reports.

“Hey Poe, where are you going! We leave soon!” L'ulo shouts.

“I have to find (Y/N) I’ll be back in a second.”

****************************************************************************************************

*****Your POV*****

“Hey Fly Boy what’s up? I was just heading back to the tarmac.”

“Yea I was wondering where you disappeared to, it would suck to have my good luck charm not see me off.”

“Oh I’m your good luck charm?” You say giggling, as you bit your lower lip.

“Of course you are! Every time you’ve been on the tarmac seeing me off I’ve come home in one piece!”

“I just chalked that up to you being the best damn pilot in the Resistance, but if I’m the reason you’re still alive I’ll take it.”

He gives you “the look”. The look he always gave you before he left as if he memorizing every detail of your face.

“Stop looking at me like that!” you smack him on his arm.

“Looking at you like what?!”

“Like you’re never going to see me again! You do this every time you say goodbye before leaving on a mission, you give me that stupid look! And you know what? I'm tired of that look!"

"Where is this all coming from?! You're more feisty today than usual."

 "I'm tired of saying goodbye, from now on I'm just gonna say hello in advance because you're coming back and I will see you again."

He cups your face. _This is it, this is my chance just kiss her now and get it over with_. “Hello in advance (Y/N).”

“Hello in advance Poe." You take his hand resting on your right cheek and squeeze it. "Come back in one piece, that would be enough.”

And despite your rant, he still gives you "the look". "You know sometimes, I wish I hadn't gotten so close to you. It makes saying goodbye a lot harder." He sighs and his eyes flash between your eyes and your lips.

And for a moment you think he’s going to kiss you. You have goosebumps all over your body and it feels like all your senses are heightened. Your heart starts pounding waiting for the moment you’ve dreamt about for two years. It was finally happening, you shut your eyes...

“Commander Dameron! General Organa has requested your presence Sir!” A mechanical voice interrupts you. It was none other than C3-PO. Poe removes his hands from your face and just like that the moment was gone.

“Ah! Miss (Y/N) how lovely is it to see you! Oh was I interrupting something?” You’d never wanted to tear a droid apart so badly, now you realized why Threepio's nickname was Captain Cockblock.

“I guess I better go” Poe says to you. You wrap your arms around him and hug him tightly.

“Yea take care of yourself Fly Boy and don’t you dare come back dead. If you comeback dead I will kill you myself.”

He laughs, "somehow I believe you."

You watched as Black Squadron took off, headed to the stars. A hand on your shoulder spooked you, “It’s always hard watching them leave isn’t it?”

It was the General.

“Yea it is.” You said.

She gave you a knowing look, “Pilots huh?”

You sigh staring up at the sky longingly, “Pilots”.


	6. So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter was sorta, kinda a little-lotta bit inspired by "So" by Ed Sheeran. I think it expresses what the reader and Poe would be feeling from their perspectives.

You waited for almost 4 months. Everyday analyzing and reanalyzing the moment you shared with Poe. _What if he doesn't come back? That would've been how we left things. He would never get to know how I feel about him_. Regret and guilt nearly consumed you and the fact that General Organa kept every detail of the mission secret didn't help.

Then after nearly 4 months of waiting Ko and Korr burst into your workshop sweating and out of breath. "THEY'RE BACK!"

"They're back?!" You say fumbling with the blaster you were fixing,  it goes off blasting a hole in the wall. "I can fix that."

"Forget it come on!"

The three of you run to the tarmac to welcome your friends. After all that waiting and uncertainty you were finally going to have closure.

The word of Black Squadron's long awaited arrival had clearly gotten around quickly, there were people from every department crowding the tarmac, hoping to be among the first to hear about the highly covert mission.

"JESS? POE? Has anyone seen Jess or Poe?!" You yelled as you struggled to see through the flood of people.

"Guys!" You whirl around to find the source of the familiar voice: Jess. She was completely fine except for a couple bruises and a busted lip.

"JESSIKA!" The three of you cry in unison, pulling her into a tight group hug.

"Oh I'm so glad you're back! What happened to you? You guys have been gone for almost 4 months!" Korr exclaimed tearing up.

"Ah well we would've gotten back sooner, but there was this huge fire, and a surprise attack by the First Order and I was kinda captured and held hostage for a week or two... it was a wild few months."

"What?!?"

"Yea but my squadron rescued me and now we're here!"

You stare at her completely dumbfounded at how she talked about her clearly eventful mission so nonchalantly. "We'll talk about this later. We have to fill you in on the moment Poe and –wait where is Poe?" You inquire.

"I've heard a lot about you're 'moment'," she said with a knowing smirk "he was just here looking for you actually, but he was called to the Command Center for debriefing."

You look at your friends pleadingly, unsure of what to do next.

"Go we'll fill Jess in," Ko reassures you.

"Thank you" you mouth to her and take off towards the Command Center.

As you reach the double doors to the building you stop to catch your breath, when the door you were leaning on flies open causing you to lose your balance.

"Lieutenant Commander (Y/N)? Aren't you in the mechanics' division today?" General Organa questions you.

"Yes but— I heard— Black Squadron got back today— and I thought Poe— would be— here."

"He just went to the infirmary for a routine evaluation-"

"Great thanks General-"

"Not so fast (Y/N), I understand you want to see Poe, but please understand that your duty to the Resistance comes first. We got a shipment from Roan Prime, one of the planets Black Squadron assisted, and I need you to do inventory on the transport bay.  And I promise you, wherever Poe is he'll be there when we're done."

"Okay," you say with a defeated sigh, "What's the shipment of anyway?"

"Evening wear."

***********************************************************************************************

"Evening wear? You've got to be kidding me!" You grumbled while struggling to drag one of the crates off of the deck. _A damn shipment of fancy dresses was getting in the way of you seeing Poe after 4 months?! Seriously?!_

"Apparently the Emperor of Roan Prime sent us shipments of their finest evening wear for helping them with their First Order problem. They believe that fashion is the most valuable thing in the galaxy," General Organa proclaimed.

You raise an eyebrow at her, "you're kidding." Roan Prime was famous for their affinity for fashion, but it never occurred to you that they might think gowns would be the appropriate gift for a group trying to stop a galactic superpower.

"I wish I was," she laughs.

"That's one way to show gratitude but blasters and insider intel would've been nice," Ko retorts.

"What are we to do with these gowns General? Have a ball?" You snort as you pry the crate open exposing a stack of exquisite beaded gowns.

"That's actually not a bad idea (Y/N). We should absolutely celebrate Black Squadron's successful return! Send out a notice on your data pad, we're having a celebration tonight!"

"Wait General I was only joking—On such short notice? Who would even come?"

"(Y/N) back in my day if there was a ball everyone dropped everything to go," she says over her shoulder on the way out.

"Well it looks like we're having a ball," Ko grunts lugging more crates from the ship, "Nice one (Y/N)." 

Me and my smart mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Uggghh this chapter isn't my best work I'll admit, but I'll try to make up for it in the coming chapters. Anyway, (Y/N) and Poe don't find each other until they reach the ball, but these song inspirations should give you a pretty good idea of how things go...
> 
> "Can't Help Falling in Love With You" Ingrid Michaelson
> 
> "Tenerife Sea" Ed Sheeran.
> 
> "Never Had"- Oscar Isaac
> 
> "Gravity" Sara Bareilles


	7. Hello Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So (Y/N)'s dress is the Zac Posen dress Claire Danes wore to the Met Gala 2016. Listen guys this dress slayed my life and it for real brought me to tears at 4am so you're damn right I'm gonna include it in the story.
> 
> Ball song inspiration:  
> “Can’t Help Falling in Love With You”- Ingrid Michaelson  
> “Tenerife Sea”- Ed Sheeran  
> “Never Had”- Oscar Isaac  
> “Gravity”- Sara Bareilles

After word got out that there was to be a ball in the evening, people all departments flooded the loading dock to get their hands on an outfit. It hadn't even occurred to you to snag a dress for yourself until the majority were gone, leaving you with the one dress nobody wanted. You could see why,it wasn't particularly unique in anyway. All of the other gowns were heavily beaded or form fitting, but your dress was a simple pale blue ballgown.

You walked into Ko and Korr's room. Ko was admiring herself in the mirror as Jess did Korr's makeup. "Tonight is going to be a disaster,"  you sulked as you threw yourself down on Ko's bed.

"Don't say that (Y/N)! It's going to be an unforgettable night, the Resistance has never done anything like this before! This'll go down in the archives for sure!" She twirled over to you in her white floor-length mermaid gown.

"Easy for you to say you look amazing!" You gushed. And she did, the gown looked like it was made for her, hugging every curve perfectly.

"Are you sure you're not just nervous about seeing Poe again? I told you, you have nothing to worry about, he's totally into you!" Jess reassured. "Now put on your dress and get a move on! We don't have all night!"

"Fine," you trudged over to the closet and grabbed your dress. As you wiggled into it, your opinion began to change. _Maybe the dress isn't nearly as ordinary as I thought?_ Fore one, it made your boobs look fantastic and two, it had pockets.

You stepped out of the bathroom to show your friends, "How do I look?"

"(Y/N) you look gorgeous!" Jess says reassuringly.

You beamed, the dress highlighted every aspect of your body you adored and you felt more confident than you had ever felt before.

"Oh wait you have a loose thread, let me get it." Korr tugs on a seemingly loose thread and the dress erupts with light and you all gasp.

"It light's up," you say in awe. The dress lit up in captivating pastels, amplifying the dress's beauty.

"Oh (Y/N) you look like a princess," Ko says with tears in her eyes, "see, I told you tonight is going to be unforgettable!"

"Ohhhhh wait till Poe sees you in this!" Jess sassed laughing, "if you in that dress isn't enough to snap him out of it, I don't know what is!"

________________________________________________________________    

"Hey Poe have you seen (Y/N) yet?" Snap questions with a smirk

"Not yet, I went looking for her after my checkup at the infirmary, but General Organa stopped me and insisted I come here and set up for a ball I wasn't even aware we were having. I'm sure she'll be here tonight," Poe says sipping on a drink.

"Commander Dameron," General Organa addressed him.

"General Organa," he knew that General Organa was not one to beat around the bush and by the look in her eye she was up to something.

"I heard you've got a special someone on your eye Poe." He chokes on his drink not expecting her to be so blunt.

"Is that so?" Snap says feigning innocence.

"What are you trying to hide Poe?" she questions.

"Um uh General—I don't know what you've heard but (Y/N) and I are just friends, our relationship is strictly uh professional?" it comes out as more of a question than a statement, and he knows he's screwed.

The General raises an eyebrow and eyes him up and down, "Commander with all due respect I will not be assigning you to any undercover operations because you are an absolutely dreadful liar."

"General!" He says shocked.

"I will never understand you Poe Dameron. If you love this woman, go get her! What are you waiting for?"

Poe opens his mouth to respond, but a light in the corner of his eye causes him to look up... it was you. He stood there gawking at you like an idiot.

"Don't just stand here! Close your mouth, straighten up, and ask that woman to dance. That's an order from your commander," urged the General with a wink and a slight smile.

He meets eyes with you across the room and Snap nudges, him giving him a pat on the back, "Make me a rich man Dameron."

He didn't even feel his legs moving, it was more like his heart was pulling him towards you. The sound of his heart beating filled his ears and you were all he could see.

"Look who's coming this wayyyy," sang Ko patting you on the arm.

" I think I'm gonna go grab myself a drink, I'm not ready. Maybe after a couple shots--" you say with your heart pounding your chest.

"No no no, you are ready! Don't you dare do this to yourself (Y/N)! You waited 4 months to finally see him again so don't freak out now." Korr says reassuring you, "We'll be watching you on the sidelines, good luck!"

He closes the distance, "(Y/N) you look wow. Just wow." You feel your stomach start doing backflips and you can see your friends cheering you on from the corner of your eye.

"You're not too bad yourself Poe," You bit your lip, he looked more attractive than usual. It was rare to see him in anything but his orange jumpsuit, so the sight of him in a dress shirt was quite the treat.

A microphone broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between you too. "Attention everyone" _It was General Organa, what was she doing?_

"There's been a request, grab a partner and find your way to the dance floor." 

"Oh I love this song." And in a moment of bravery you could only call magical you take his hand, "Hey do you wanna dance?"

"Yea um yes," he gives you his stupid goofy grin.

Relief washes over you as you lead him out to the dance floor, but just as soon as the relief came, it left as a realization hit you:  _Wait do I know how to dance?_ It was too late to turn back so you had to come clean.

"I um I don't know how to dance," you say embarrassed.

"Really? Lucky for you, you are in the presence of the best dancing-pilot in the Resistance," you laugh at his ridiculous title, "It's okay (Y/N) I'll show you, just follow my lead."

After a few missteps you get the hang of it and smile up at him and he's giving you "the look".

"You're giving me that look again," you say with a mischievous grin.

"What look?" He responds playing dumb.

"The last time you gave me that look you went on a nearly 4-month long mission."

You hadn't even noticed but the two of you had stopped dancing.

"Yea about that—"

"If you're leaving on another mission Poe just tell me already instead of giving me that stupid—"

"I think we should pick up where we left off," his words come out rushed and intentioned as he cups your face and the moment you waited for finally comes.

"Wait," you whisper stopping the kiss just before it happens,"Doing this would be a bad idea."

"Why?" He says his lips ghosting over yours.

"You're never here. You're always out on missions to different planets, galaxies."

"I'm here now."

You nod slightly, closing the space between the two of you. The kiss was everything you hoped for and more. It felt right, your skin tingled as goosebumps encompassed your body; your hands found their way to his neck. His lips were sweet and his stubble tickled your face, as he deepened the kiss. It was a moment you wanted to live in forever. 

Cheers erupted from your friends and you both smile, breaking the kiss for only a moment.

And everything would've been perfect, if you hadn't begun to nurse a wicked headache. You ignored it for as long as you could until the intensity was too much to bear.

"(Y/N)? Are you okay what's wrong?" Poe said holding you as you swayed.

"It's just a headache," you rub your eyes trying to relieve some of the pressure not even caring you were ruining your eye makeup, "I'll just get some water and I'll be fine." You turn towards the bar, but your depth perception is off. The bar looked miles away, and the floor looked warped and twisted.

"Poe... I think I'm gonna pass...." You don't get to finish your sentence as you crumple to the floor unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yoo-hoo! It's author here, sorry to leave y'all hanging like this but it'll be worth it. The next chapter will be a flashback into (Y/N)'s past in the Jedi Temple.


	8. Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspiration:  
> Your POV “Enchanted”- Taylor Swift  
> Ben’s POV- “Enchanted” by Owl City  
> Both- “Everything Has Changed”- Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran

 

 

“You need to use the standard technique. You are more advanced at wielding the Force than most, telekinesis is an advanced ability to be practicing at your age. However, that does not mean you can change the method; you act as if the Force is a physical substance, but it's not. The Force is an energy that surrounds us, not a physical thing. If you carry on with this technique it will only lead to your down fall. ” Master Luke chastises you.

“Yes Master,” you mumble dejectedly staring down at your boots.

His tone softens when he realizes how harsh he sounds, “You show much promise (Y/N), in fact Master Obi-Wan says you remind him of his master, Qui-Gon, but your unorthodox use of telekinesis may get you into trouble. Please, I beg of you, practice the right way. I'll see you in class tomorrow, may the force be with you (Y/N)”

“And also with you Master” you sigh, your telekinetic style was unique and that’s what you really loved about it. You perceived the Force differently than most; yes it was an energy, but with the right mindset it was possible to treat it as an extension of your own body, and if you meditated and focused you could control many objects at once. Of course you kept that last part a secret, if Master Luke found out he'd be extremely cross.

Sure you were alone you practiced a new technique you had been working on: blaster catching. You activated one of the Jedi traing spheres and proceeded to catch the blaster fire with te force, instead of deflecting it with a lightsaber. A sneeze startles you. You spin around to see a boy with short brown hair and a padawan braid, peering into your training room

“Oh, I’m sorry please don’t stop I was just watching your technique. It's really cool. ” He says entering the room

“Master Luke doesn't approve.”

“Master Luke is wise, but he can still be wrong”

“I suppose” you say fiddling with your saber in it's holster.

“I’ve never actually introduced myself, I’m Ben,” he says reaching out his hand and you take it shaking it.

“I’m (Y/N), do we have a class together?" Now that he was closer you could fully take in his appearance. He towered over you and freckles speckled his features, but his eyes stood out: they were warm but sad, like they were hiding something they desperately wanted to share, and you wanted nothing more than to learn the secret behind those eyes.

His cheeks turn a deep shade of pink when he noticed you staring and he breaks eye contact.

“Um we don’t actually have a class together. I actually have private lessons, sometimes I get there early and see the class before me, the one that you’re in. I’ve seen you in action and you’re very talented and not to mention intimidating. I thought you would be annoyed with me talking to you.”

“Why would you think that? Ben I’m sure you’re probably more talented than me, being that you get private lessons.” .

"I'll tell you why I get private lessons if you agree to teach me how to catch blaster fire."

You pause for a second pondering if you really wanted to share the technique you honed and crafted yourself, “How do I even know you’re worthy of my technique?” you say with a smirk.

Just like that there was a spark behind his sad eyes, as if your statement had awoken a spark within him, “Spar with me.”

“I’m sorry what?” you were taken aback by his sudden boldness. A moment ago he had seemed so timid.

“Spar with me." He says stepping closer to you, "I challenge you to a duel. If you win, you can deem me worthy or not, but if I win I get to decide if you’re worthy of my secret.”

To say you were competitive would be a massive understatement, and even though this Ben guy was intriguing, it wasn’t going to stop you from kicking his ass. You’d never lost a sparring match before and you weren’t going to start now,“

“Okay sounds good, I only have my saberstaff on me so I’ll just borrow a lightsaber from the training armory.”

You searched the armory for a training saber, but you could feel his eyes on you, sizing you up.

“It’s rude to stare you know,” you say with a smirk, grabbing two light sabers instead of one.

_Let's see how he reacts to a Jar’Kai twin strike surprise attack._

“Think fast!” you shout force flipping over him using the armory doors as a base.

You genuinely didn't expect him to evade your attack, but he was quick for someone of his stature, he dodged your attack and didn’t hesitate to counterstrike.

“You’re pretty good, usually the aggression of my first strike throws my opponent off, but you’re way more determined than my usual opponents. You must want to win pretty badly,” reckoned unable to hide your excitement.

“You bet your ass,” he says with a toothy grin.

His blade caught the tip of one of yours sending it flying across the room.

“Are you holding back (Y/N)? I’ve seen you do better.” He taunts you.

_The nerve of this guy! He's taunting me! Sure he's cute, but I was holding back before. If he wants a real fight I can bring it!_

“My my Ben if I knew any better it seems like you’ve been watching me pretty closely.” His cocky smirk fades and he turns bright red,“It’s not that! Your fighting style is captivating is all!" His words lit a fire in you and you for once let go, fighting at full strength for the first time and it felt amazing.

The two of you fought with rigor, alternating between Forms until you locked sabers. He looked into your eyes and lost his focus. He had avoided looking into them before, he had to win he couldn't get distracted. From the times he had seen you practice before, he knew that you expressed your emotions through your eyes. All the times he had seen you practice before they were bored and unchallenged. And the eyes he had seen earlier were sad and defeated, he hated those he wanted to see them happy he wanted to see a spark of life in them. These ones before him were intense and determined and excited and he wanted them to be like this forever, HE wanted to look into them forever.

You sensed his loss in focus and deactivate your lightsaber and spin out of his reach, causing him to lose his balance, hitting the mat with a thud.

"The Tràkata unbalancing method…you left yourself wide open, I win," declared triumphantly.

“Not yet”. He catches your legs between his feet and twists effectively taking you down.

You roll over to meet his eyes. “Looks like we have a draw” he says chuckling, but you knew he was just being kind. You had been too cocky, and let your guard down. He had beaten you, no matter how marginal a loss it was it was still a loss.

“You know Ben at first I pegged you as a strictly Form IV guy, and was certain I was going to demolish you, but you kept me on my toes the entire match.  I think you’re worthy of my technique.”

“What a coincidence because it seems you're worthy of my secret,” he smiled at you. You liked when he smiled. When he smiled the sadness behind his eyes disappeared.

"Is that so?"

"It is so."

"Okay, on with it then"

"Alright part 1: I get private lessons because Master Luke... well he's my uncle."

Your heart drops, you knew Master Luke had a nephew, but you didn't even think to put two and two together. "I don’t think this is a good idea Ben. How’s it gonna look if I a fellow padawan, gives Master Luke’s cute nephew private lessons on top of his private lessons? Won’t it look like I’m undermining Master Luke’s abilities?"

“You think I’m cute?”

“Ben that’s not the point!”

“Oh right sorry... we could just not tell him. Look around (Y/N) there's no one in here and we've been in here for almost an hour.”

You pause considering his statment. He was right, it had been quite a while and no one so much as walked by. "If I agree you're going to have to make it worth my while."

"How?" 

"I'll tell you after you tell me part 2 of your secret."

“Okay... part 2... If I tell you this will you promise not to tell another soul? Not even Master Luke.”

“I promise”

“I’ve been practicing Form VII,” he confessed.

“FORM VII?!?” you exclaim in shock. 

“Shhh!!”

“Oh right sorry… Form VII?!?!”

“So that’s why you have private lessons…”

“Mhmm”

“Wait why are you telling me this? I mean we’ve only just met.”

“I feel like I can trust you," he blushes," ... anyway what can I do to make this worth your while?”

You sit up and think for a minute, “I have a proposition for you: I’ll teach you my how to use telekinesis my way in secret, if you teach me Form VII. Do we have a deal?”

“We have a deal.” You bit your lip and smiled at him.

And even though you had been bested for the first time in your life, and you were going against Master Luke's wishes and learning a forbidden form of lightsaber combat, you felt free. Your entire experience training was holding back, and following the rules by the book, following the paved road, but with him you didn’t need to. This boy with his sad brown eyes challenged you, dared you to take the road less traveled and indulge in your talents, and for the first time you felt alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I hope you don't mind how I'm characterizing Ben. I didn't want to write him as inherently evil, because that's not even how Anakin started out. The next chapter will take place the day after (Y/N) passed out at the ball.


	9. The Truth

"It’s been hours why won’t you wake up?" Poe takes her hand holding it to his lips, praying she’d wake up. After she lost conciseness he couldn’t help but feel responsible, he carried her all the way to the infirmary and hadn’t left her side since.

“Poe?” It was General Organa, but he made no attempt to move from (Y/N)’s bedside.

“How is she?”

He sits up rubbing his eyes, “Umm she’s stable, Dr. Kalonia says she’s in a self-imposed coma, but she’s unsure of what may have triggered it. They’ve run tests but none have been conclusive.”

“Poe I’m calling an emergency meeting. I think I may be able to shine some light on the situation.”

“General Organa I can’t leave (Y/N).”

“The meeting is about (Y/N).”

His ears perk up at her statement and he turns around to meet her gaze, “What do you mean?”

“All will be explained. Just be in the command center in 15.” As she exits Poe turns back around and plants a kiss on (Y/N)’s forehead.

When Poe enters the room Jessika, Ko, and General Organa are all seated waiting for him. Poe shares equally confused glances with the girls when General Organa speaks up.

“Now that you’re all here I can explain. Ideally, I wanted Korr to be here as well, but since she's presenting an appeal to the Galactic Senate, she'll have to be informed at a later date. ” Her face looks tired and grim, her usually impeccably kept hair was slightly messy, a characteristic that was foreign to the princess turned general. It was clear, her guilt was consuming her from the inside out. “I’m afraid I have been keeping something from you, well everybody really; it's caught up with me and the only place to start is from the beginning: Three years ago, there was an attack on Sector 5 by the First Order; we sent troops out there to rescue and relocate the victims of the incident, many of them were successfully relocated but a few stayed on base and joined the Resistance. (Y/N) was assumed to be one of them.”

“Right that’s what happened," Poe agreed.

"General Organa forgive me, but I don’t see what that has to do with (Y/N)," Jess inquires shifting in her seat, "after all she showed up with us days after the attack.”

“As I was saying...," General Organa continued, "what I didn’t tell you was that on the same day of the attack on Sector 5, there as an attack on the Jedi Temple that lead to the the total eradication of the new generation of Jedi my brother, Luke, was mentoring. I had a feeling that these two events occurring on the same day was not a coincidence, so the mission I sent Black Squadron on a few months ago was to get me more information on the events of the Sector 5 and Jedi Temple attacks. We now know the Sector 5 attack was a decoy, and the Jedi Temple was the real target. It was an elaborate plan to ensure the extinction of the Jedi.”

“General not that all this information isn’t extremely enlightening, but I still don’t understand where you’re going with this. How does (Y/N) tie into this?” Ko demands growing impatient.

The general closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, “(Y/N) was not on the New Recruit transport ship, nor was she rescued from Sector 5… she escaped from the Jedi Temple massacre with my brother Luke… he…he brought her here for me to look after her.”

Poe’s heart dropped, “Are you saying that (Y/N) is a… Jedi?”

“A Jedi Knight to be more specific.”

A tense silence encompassed the room.

“I know this is a lot to process, and I know you must have questions that I don’t have the answers to, but I need you all to understand a few things: (Y/N) has no knowledge of the 18 years she spent at the Jedi Temple, Luke blocked them from her memory to keep her safe. However, I’m afraid the events of last night’s ball may have triggered a failsafe Luke implemented, sending her into a coma. I am trusting the three of you to bear the burden of my secret with me, which means no one can know about (Y/N), especially not (Y/N)”

The trio remained silent processing all the information presented to them.

“You’re free to go, I understand you may need some time to come to terms with this.”

Jessika and Ko leave avoiding eye contact with Organa, but Poe stays behind.

“Excuse me, General Organa I have a feeling you’re still not telling me everything about the Jedi Temple massacre.”

She hesitates reluctant to share the one thing that had been a heavy burden on her for so long, “The leader of the Jedi Temple massacre was Kylo Ren—“

“Second in command of the First Order Kylo Ren?” Poe says in disbelief. _What vendetta did he have against the Jedi, and why would he concern himself with the massacre, when the Sector 5 attack was much more public?_

“Yes, but there's more... he’s not some unknown power crazy maniac I let you all believe he was… and his name isn’t actually Kylo Ren…” She struggled to finish her sentence holding back tears that threaten to spill over the edges cracking her brave façade, “It’s Ben Organa-Solo. He’s my son Poe.”

Her words nearly leave him speechless, he felt like she just punched him in the gut. “General…” Poe says barely above a whisper. In a word, he felt betrayed. He had placed all of his trust into the General, followed every order with unquestioning diligence, and she had been keeping this significant detail from him, nay the Resistance for years.

“Poe my son is troubled, he was fine for a while, but now he’s being manipulated by a power even I don’t completely understand; but there’s still light in him and I know it!” she pleaded with him.

“General Organa, with all due respect, are you sure you’re not letting your emotional attachment to your son cloud your judgment? Are you sure you don’t sense light in him simply because you want it to be true.” He knew he was being a bit harsh, but he couldn't help but remember his own mother and consider what she might have done to protect him.

“Commander Dameron, I’ll have you know that I am just as Force-sensitive as my brother, I just chose to lead a revolution instead of honing my abilities. I know how to use the abilities I do have; you just have to trust me.”

“General Organa, since this is not the first war you have fought in and you have been a trusted family friend and a magnificent war hero, I will continue to place my trust in you.”

A wave of relief washes over the general and she relaxes her shoulders.

“However, I’m sure that the events of today are an omen warning us that we cannot escape fate so when the opportunity arises itself for (Y/N) to cross paths with Luke again, I will not stop her and I will encourage you to do the same.”


	10. Look Into Your Eyes and the Sky's the Limit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Inspiration: “Halo”- Ane Brun (ft. Linnea Olsson)

"I remember...," you whisper as you began to regaining consciousness, "I remember! It's not much but I remember training with a light stick!" You shout sitting up.

"Umm lightsaber?" Poe corrects,

"Yea that's what I said! And there was this guy... oh what was his name again? Oh right, Ben! And we were friends I think and we were sparing and I was badass!" You pause for a moment to catch your breath and went on, "and I was at this academy? Is that the word for it? And I had a mentor Master Luke! And I was using... the... the Force."

"How do you use the Force?"

She paused for a minute contemplating his question, "I don't remember, but that's besides the point! I'm sure if I did it before, I could do it again!"

He couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm, it didn't even matter that she had just gotten out of a coma, whenever she got really excited about something she started talking twice as fast as she usually did and there was no stopping her. And normally he would've listened, hanging on her every word, but he stopped after she mentioned Ben. Ben as in General Organa's son Ben? The same Ben that turned to the dark side, changed his name to Kylo Ren and is now a prominent member of the First Order?

Of course he knew they were both at the Jedi Temple the day of the massacre, but he didn't think they're history went back that far. The real question was why was she still alive? Could it be she was the one he couldn't kill? Did he have feelings for her? Did she have feelings for him?

"Poe! Poe! Are you even listening? This is some good stuff I'm telling you and--- I just realized we are no lot at the ball anymore.... Poe what's going on?"

"(Y/N) you've been out for two days, are you sure it wasn't a dream?"

"It couldn't have been Poe! I have dreams all the time, but this was definitely different. It was almost like déjà vu, I was just reliving the memory again. I—Wait did you say two days? I couldn't be out for two days I was just about to get water for my headache..."

You turned and really looked at him. His usually clean shaven face had a solid growth of stubble and his characteristically sparkling eyes were tired and they looked into yours with worry.

"You passed out before you even got close to the bar, I carried you to the infirmary and we've been here ever since."

"You carried me all the way from the mess hall to here and waited by my bedside for two days?"

"For the most part," he chuckled.

You swung your legs over the side of the bed and cupped his cheeks with your hands, rubbing your thumb over his prickly cheek. "What did I do in my past life to deserve someone as wonderful as you?" you say admiring him.

He rests his hands on your hips, "Probably sacrificed an ewok or something" he quips in his usual upbeat tone.

You playfully smack his shoulder laughing at him, "you're ridiculous."

"Ridiculously crazy about you." He muses grinning up at you.

You feel the heat rise to your cheeks, you daydreamed about him saying sweet things like that to you, and it still shocked you that was really happening.

"So these memories that resurfaced... is Ben a boyfriend I should worry about."

You drape your arms around his neck. "WellIlll I was around 15-16 at the time, and Ben was more of a friend/crush so I wouldn't worry about him. It doesn't even matter Poe, because my past love life won't change how I feel about you."

"That's good to know, because I'd really like it if we could give us a shot," he affirmed leaning in for a kiss.

"Yes I would like if we did that-- that sounds really good-- I mean if that's cool with you," you stutter as your lips met his once again.


	11. Not Changing Pops Seeking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I believe the term for it would be some good ole fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This takes place three years after the last chapter.
> 
> Song Inspirations:  
> Wake Me Up- Ed Sheeran  
> Seeing Stars (Acoustic Version)- BØRNS

Three years. It had been three blissful years since you and Poe had officially gotten together. Three years filled with nothing but happiness, not one bump in the road. Sure you two had arguments, but they were over trivial matters like: who would win in a fight BB-8 or R2. What you had learned from being in a relationship with Poe was that he was the person you wanted by your side no matter what, and there was nothing that could change that.

After a long night, you wake up to tangled limbs, your head on his chest listening to his breathing and heartbeat. You always hated when he went on missions, but understood that it was something he loved to do. So you held him close, and thought ahead to the future, after the mission was done and he was home in your arms again.

“Wake up Princess,” he cooed.

“Just ten more minutes,”you pleaded with him, all you wanted was to lay in bed with him a little longer.

You groan into his chest as Poe he rubs circles into your back and plants soft kisses on your forehead and nose, his stubble gently scratching your skin.

“My stars you’re annoying.”

“It’s one of the reasons you love me though,”

“What time is it?" you groan.

“A little after 10”

“Mmmm so we still have a few hours until you have to leave…”

“Ahh so it seems” he says mischievously.

“However shall we pass the time?” you say innocently, biting your lower lip as you tug at the rim of his boxers.

“I can think of a few ways…” he says climbing on top of you smirking.

“Oh wait— we can’t," he says climbing off of you. "You know I’d love nothing more, but I have a meeting with General Organa in an hour, plus I still have to replace the comms unit in my X-Wing, and there’s still some upgrades you have to do on BB-8 before we leave on the mission, and .”

“Ugghhh I hate it when you’re right. You know when I built BB-8 for you as a gift I thought it was clear that **you** were going to take care of the upgrades.”

"Yea but you're so much better at it than I am babe," he pointed out.

"Well you're not wrong, I am a genius mechanic after all," you boasted jokingly.

"That among other things." He kissed your forehead. “It’s a quick in and out one I’ll be back by tomorrow morning, and I promise we can pick up right where we left off.” He says pulling on his shirt and grabbing his favorite jacket.

"Alright," you say sitting up, "I'll finish BB-8's upgrades and meet you on the tarmac before you leave, see ya soon Flyboy." He kisses you and smiles his goofy smile at you as he leaves.

*******

After you finished BB-8’s upgrades the two of you made your way to the tarmac, BB-8 for its mission and you to see off your pilot/ boyfriend. You glance down at your watch, “Of course he’s late, he’s always late.” You stood by Poe's X-Wing on the tarmac waiting for your chronically late boyfriend, "BB do you have any clue what could be keeping him? You always seem to know what he's up to." The droid beeps at you knowingly and rolls away in search of its friend.

“Where could that dork be? General Organa was very clear she said departure was at 0600 hours not 0605.” After a while, you checked your watch again when you heard BB-8’s familiar beeping.

“BB-8! You were supposed to come back with Poe! Well at least you’re on time, have any idea where our notoriously late friend is?”

It beeps triumphantly and hands you a note with Poe’s handwriting on it:

_“Meet me by the lake”- Flyboy_

You smile at his use of the nickname you gave him, and roll your eyes at his timing. _That man would be late to his own funeral, stars help him._

You make your way to the lake fully intent on giving him an earful, when you see him sitting on the shore strumming his guitar singing to himself.

 _I can’t believe this dork is all mine._  You think to yourself as you lean against a willow tree admiring your boyfriend from afar.

“Hey there Flyboy,” you purr seductively walking up to him.

“Hey there Princess, I have a surprise for you….You know how this is supposed to be a solo mission right?”

“Yeaa”

“Well I spoke with the General, and she agreed it would be a good idea to take you.”

“No way! Why?” You could hardly contain your excitement. It was a rarity that you were able to leave the base on a mission and you had never once been on one with Poe.

“Well... you know how we’re looking for a map to Luke Skywalker right?”

“Yea, did you find it?!"

“Mhm, at least we believe so. (Y/N) if this map is the real deal, it could be your chance to get your memories back. Are you game?”

“Of course!”

“It’s a quick get in get out mission, so not much excitement there.”

“Any mission I’m on with you is enough.” You say smiling up at him, "Hey do you think we could stop by Hosnian Prime on our way back? Korr is there and since she's been bouncing around from system to system warning everyone about the First Order I haven't gotten to see her in weeks."

“Yea yea of course," his demeanor changes as he takes your hands, "hey can I talk to you about something?” he added. Now you were worried, he looked nervous.

“Poe what’s wrong you’re scaring me, what’s this about? You— we have a mission right now can thi—"

“Just relax, please this is important. I just have to get something off my chest." You could feel his hands shaking in yours and you give them a squeeze to calm his nerves, your heartbeat started to pick up its pace.

"When you smile you knock me out I fall apart, and I thought I was so smart. You get really passionate about the smallest details, and when you do your eyes light up like stardust, and I could spend my nights staring into them instead of the sky. (Y/N) I’ve loved you for the better part of 6 years, and even now I still can't believe you let me take your time. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I couldn’t go another day without letting you know how much you mean to me.”

He gets down on one knee and you gasp.

“I had a whole plan of serenading you in front of our friends, but then I thought I would recreate our first kiss, but nothing felt good enough. But this morning reminded me that there's never going to be a perfect moment, because just being with you is already perfect. I know this isn’t the best time to ask you this and I understand, but would you do me the honor of making me the happiest pilot—“

You tackle him, cutting him off with your lips and he kisses back without hesitation, and even though it had been years the moment was just like your first kiss. Not one drop of passion was lost, and it was everything, the two of you were everything it felt as if everything else in the universe had ceased except this moment by the lake, where the love of your life asked you to marry him. It was a moment you would never-- could never forget.

He breaks the kiss laughing, “Is that a yes?”

“Of course it is!" you say biting your lip, "I love you”.

“I know” he says winking at you.

“Poe, I would love nothing more than to stay in this moment just a little longer, but we have a mission we were supposed to leave for half an hour ago, and I’m not even geared up yet...”

“Oh you’re right, go get geared up and I'll be waiting for you.”

With that you were ready for the on your first real mission, and a future with your fiancé, but you had no idea your past was mere hours from catching up with you.

(END PART 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I decided to split the stories into two parts. This part is pre-TFA and part two will take place during the events of TFA.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hey hi hello to all of you who have chosen to read my fic. This is my very first one so I apologize for any grammatical errors in advance. Before I continue this story I just want to set the record straight on a couple things:
> 
> -Timeline: The events of this story take place before the events of the Force Awakens.
> 
> \- Also I'm Hamilton trash so there will also be several lines from Hamilton allusions incorporated into the text because again I am T-R- to the- A-S-H


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